托福写作辅导：IBT一篇独立写作之解析

　IBT写作包括综合写作Integrated Writing和独立写作Independent Writing两个部分。其中综合写作部分是旧托福改革之后新增的部分，对广大托友们listening, reading, writing三个方面的综合能力提出了更高的要求，按道理说，综合写作部分应该是大家犯愁的环节，其实实际情况却不然，我所接触的客户有好多问题却恰恰出现在对大家相对熟悉的独立写作部分。
　　但是我们要抱着Impossible is nothing的信念来面对它！我想李宁这个著名品牌的广告词用在这里也非常的合适，Because we shall persist until we succeed!广大托友们难道不是这样吗？
　　今天我们就一起来分析一下一位客户的独立写作实例，大家不妨参考借鉴一下。
　　独立写作常见问题
　　（1） 构思时间太长，打字速度稍慢，不能在规定的时间内完成写作！
　　（2） 模版痕迹太重！
　　（3） 作文里的GRE痕迹很明显！凡是准备去美国深造的学子们都知道，除了备考IBT之外，还必须同时备考GRE或者GMAT。而IBT与GRE的写作却大大的不同！后者的逻辑思维更紧密，论证的味道更加浓重一些。所以先准备GRE考试的托友们在写IBT作文时就不可避免地出现上述问题。这一点不容忽视！
　　Sample composition
　　What is the most important animal in your country?
　　Animals have a power to become a symbol of a country. Each country has their own animal represent their ethnic and ethics. For example, America represents themselves with the eagle and German represents themselves with the black bear. And in China, however, our national animal is panda.
　　Panda is a great source of pride in China. But panda is on the verge of extinction in the world because of people kill them. However, panda is a creature which is appeared hundreds of thousands of years ago. So it is a long and great history and scientists are very interesting with them.
　　Another reason that panda becomes an ambassador for China is that it is represented as/ stands for peace and friendship. In ancient time, a flag with a panda on it raise between the two countries is represented as peace, unity and friendship. In modern time, China often sent the panda to the friendly country as a sign of kinship. As we know, China sent the panda to United State and Japan.
　　Finally, the history of panda is intertwined with the history of China. In ancient time, emperors used to keep the panda as pets. They thought panda is a magical and mystical animal that can prevent natural disaster. And the lovely panda also can enjoy all the people see them.
　　Thus, panda is the symbol of China. Not only it has a long and great history, but also it is represented as/ a symbol of peace and friendship. It is so important to our country that government also concerned about keeping the panda in existence no matter how it will cost. We hope the government will succeed and hope the panda can live on the earth for another hundreds of thousands of years.
　　解析
　　（1） W: Animals have a power to become a symbol of a country.
　　R: Animals have magical power to become a symbol of a country
　　Power的正确使用：
　　√Power表示能力、影响力、操纵力是不可数名词
　　能力：It is beyond/ outside/not within my power. I am not in a position to help you.
　　影响力、操纵力the ability of controlling over others的相关实用短语：
　　Have somebody in one’s power 对某人具有影响力；have power over somebody/ somebody’s fate能决定某人的命运；fall into somebody’s power落入某人的手心中。
　　√Power表示体力、智力，职权、权势时要使用复数形式
　　体力、智力：a woman of impressive intellectual powers智力超群的女人
　　职权、权势(authority)：The powers of the police need to be clearly defined.
(2) W: America represent themselves with the eagle and German represent themselves with the black bear.
　　R: America represents themselves with the eagle and German represents themselves with the black bear.
　　For example, the eagle represents America and the black bear represents German.
　　represent的正确使用：
　　Represent sth/sb with/ as sth=symbolize sth/ sb with/as sth
　　例句：The poet has represents/ symbolizes his lover with a flower.
　　表示象征、标志代表的实用短语总结：
　　√Stand for
　　√be equivalent of somebody/ something
　　√be a symbol of something: The lion is the symbol of courage.
　　be a symbol for something表示符号、记号: On maps, a cross is the symbol for the church.
　　说明：因为在这篇文章中重复多次地使用Represent这个词，这对这位托友的语言多样性表达有一定的影响，所以以上我列举了一些它的同义词和同义短语，并且把文章中涉及Represent的句子都作了改正，大家留意一下。
　　（3）固定短语搭配的正确使用
　　W: But panda is on the verge of extinction in the world because of people kill them.
　　R: But panda is on the verge of extinction in the world because people kill them.
　　W: So it is a long and great history and scientists are very interesting with them.
　　R: So it is a long and great history and scientists are very interested with them.
　　说明：固定短语搭配的正确使用无论在口语中还是写作中都至关重要！当然文章中也有用得出彩的实用短语，譬如：is intertwined with。它相当于be linked with。
　　（4）W: They thought panda is a magical and mystical animal that can prevent natural disaster. And the lovely panda also can enjoy all the people see them.
　　R: They thought panda is a magical and mystical animal that can prevent from natural disaster. And the lovely panda also can attract/ draw all the people to see them.
　　说明：表示抵御自然灾害时，除了prevent from，withdraw也可以用来修饰。但是resist却不可以。当表示不受某事物影响或者损害时，resist常常拿来修饰resist heat/ frost/ disease。当表示抵抗敌人进攻时，withdraw和resist都OK： withdraw/ resist attacks。
　　(5)要养成勤查字典的好习惯！
　　虽然说在这个科技高度发展，计算机、快译通等等泛滥的时代，提到字典都会觉得有点过时，其实这是一种大错特错的观点，有好多的单词或者是短语在快译通的解释中都很片面，并不适合大家用在某些文章中，这会导致许多错误甚至是笑话。我记得我在上大学时的开始，我们老师就禁止我们使用快译通等快捷工具，因此查字典的良好习惯一直保留到了现在，我相信它会使我终生受益！譬如文章中：In modern time, China often sent the panda to the friendly country as a sign of kinship. kinship表示血族关系，所以建议改为：amity.