托福写作辅导：IBT两篇实例作文之解析

复习计划
　　针对英语基础比较扎实且词汇积累比较丰富的托友们来说， 1-2个月为最为合理的复习时间期限，时间拖得再长却不见得能够提高多少，因为复习时间的长短和所取得成绩的高低并不成正比。具体如下：前一个月用来做针对性练习，譬如，在前期针对地练习了口语部分的integrated speaking之task5、task6和 independent writing，那么在后期记得一定要返回做点task1、task2和integrated writing的针对练习，不要让自己手生了，随时要保持自己对试题的熟悉程度；之后的一个月就是拿来专门复习模拟试题的。
　　写作常见问题
　　（1） 一些重要词汇或者是固定短语的重复使用。这会让阅卷人误解考生词汇量相当贫乏，从而影响到最终的得分。
　　（2） 一些单词词性的错误使用、固定短语搭配的错误使用以及其他一些不该犯的低级语法错误，这些都会让阅卷人对考生的英文功底产生质疑。
　　（3） 首字母大小写的正确书写。在正规的IBT考试中，不会象Microsoft Word一样出现拼写错误就会自动出现下划线来提示你，所以大家在平时的练习中就要自觉养成手动切换大小写的良好习惯。
　　（4） 对综合写作的整体架构不能够很好地把握。
　　Sample composition1
　　The reading passage and listening passage both describe two different behaviors which include deindividualization and polarization that take place in groups. However reading passage gives some negative examples contrast to that listening passage gives some positive examples.
　　In the reading passage, writer gives an antisocial example about deindividualization that a normally well-behaved people may behave antisocially when he or she becomes a part of vandalism or rowdiness .But listening passage gives a positive example that people may help each other after big disaster.
　　In the reading passage, writer gives a negative example about polarization. The writer describes that a jury of citizens who fed up with petty crime and decides to throw the book at a criminal charged with only a minor crime. However in the listening passage the speakers give a positive example that people may band together to fight against a terrible boss.
　　解析
　　（1） W: However reading passage gives some negative examples contrast to that listening passage gives some positive examples.
　　R: Reading passage gives some negative examples, however/ on the contrary/ by contrast, listening passage gives some positive example.
　　（2） 重复使用give an example这个固定短语。这对体现语言表达的丰富性和多样性方面不太好！其实表示提供事例的词汇还有：provide, exemplify, afford.
　　（3） W: The writer describes that a jury of citizens who fed up with petty crime and decides to throw the book at a criminal charged with only a minor crime.
　　R: A juror, who was fed up with petty crime, decided to throw the book at a criminal charged with only a minor crime.
　　说明：从第一个句子可以看出describe和decide修饰的是同一个主语The writer，however，其实decide和be fed up with并列修饰a juror。所以这位托友的表达方式欠妥！此外，固定短语搭配的正确使用：be fed up with sth/ sb表示受够了，烦透了某事或者某人，而且文中则缺少了系动词；还有没有a jury of 这种表达方法，注意区分这几个词的意思：jury 表示陪审团，可以当作复数使用；juryman (男)陪审员，jurywoman(女)陪审员；juror（统称）陪审员
　　（4）整体分析：熟悉integrated writing的一定知道它通常包括三段式，第一段要求combine the main information in the reading materials with that of what you heard，然后提炼出a topic sentence，第二段和第三段则分别对the reading passage和 the listening passage的信息概括，而上面实例中第三段reading passage所列举的两个example并不能很好地表现主题！
Sample composition2
Is daily homework necessary for students? 　　The question about the daily homework was existed as long as the school existed. The practice of newly acquired knowledge and the preparation for the new lessons are the important parts of the learning. However, the teachers give too many assignments to the students. Students always complain that they have too much load on their shoulder and they can hardly breathe. It seems that teachers should decline the assignment, but once they do it, the quality of the learning will decrease. What should they do?
　　First of all, teachers should give the assignments accordingly. The different age of students have different ability to respond the amount of homework. The senior students have more skills to respond the assignments than the minor students. These kinds of skills can developed as your age. Thus, the minor students should take more activities instead of the daily assignments. They can learn how to interact socially and how to be a good leader through the activities.
At the same time, teachers should notice the need for homework. Mathematic need practice all the time because it allows students to identify and distinguish the equations. The language also needs to practice so that students can speak fluently. However, the history is unnecessary. Memorizing the date and places is unrequited. Once you forget, you can look up them in the book. If there have too many history homework, it will frustrate students. 　　Not only should teacher give assignments depend on the age of students, but also think about the different subject. Too many homework will discourage students and influence their study in the school. Teachers’ good intentions maybe turn to a bad result.
　　解析
　　（1） W: Students always complain that they have too much load on their shoulder and they can hardly breathe.
　　R: Students always complain that they have borne/ taken so many loads on their shoulder that they can hardly breathe.
　　相关实用短语：shoulder/ bear the burden of the family承担家庭负担；
　　Lighten the burden on enterprises减轻公司负担；
　　unload a burden摆脱负担；burden sb/ oneself with sth=put a burden on sb/ oneself=load sb/ oneself加负担于某人/自己
　　（2） W: These kinds of skills can developed as your age..
　　R: They can obtain these kinds of skills as they grow older.
　　（3） W: Mathematic need practice all the time because it allow students to identify and distinguish the equations.
　　R: Mathematics needs practice all the time because it allows students to identify and distinguish the equations.
　　W: The language also needs to practice so that students can speak fluently.
　　R: The language also needs to practise so that students can speak fluently.
　　相关实用短语：in practice勤于练习；out of practice疏于练习；practice makes perfect熟能生巧；practise what one preaches身体力行
　　说明：Mathematic是它的adj，用在这里做主语不妥！Practice是 n ；practise是 vt.这些问题只要我们在打字输入时稍微认真一些就完全可以避免的，问题很小，所以在这些细节方面出现毛病很不应该！
　　（4）Not only should teacher give assignments depend on the age of students, but also think about the different subject.
　　Better expression: Not only should teacher assign the tasks depend on the ages of students, but also take the different subjects into consideration.
　　说明：这个倒装句式使用得很出彩！其中give assignments和首段中的重复，建议改为：assign the tasks; 此外，think about 可以和take something into consideration替换。这样对语言的多样性表达很有帮助！
　　（5）复习单词的小提议：积累单词有很多种方法，就我个人而言，我通常选择通过学习我所做的真题或者模拟题中的高频词来积累，这样可以把词汇带回到题目中去理解，记忆起来也更加方便，当然具体情况具体分析，关键是要适合自己，但是建议大家不妨一试！